Second Annual Christmas Before Christmas, Christmas Party

I’m short on material this week… that’s not true, it’s Sunday evening and I still haven’t written anything and I am flying out tomorrow so I don’t really want to stay up too late writing a newsletter so today you get a sanitized version of the invite to our Christmas Party… I thought it was pretty funny.  All that to say, I’m not really short on material.

All,

I was seriously tempted to just re-use my text from last year considering how clever I felt it was at the time.  That said, doing so would rob you of the ability to enjoy my wit in a different way each year and it would deprive me of the opportunity to engage in careful wordsmithing for comedic enjoyment.  Having said all that, Leslie and I want to invite you to our Second Annual Christmas Slightly Before Christmas, Christmas Party.  This year we are going to be gone for pretty much half of the month of December so that really limited the amount of available Saturdays we had to schedule this party.  This year we are hosting our party on a Saturday.

We had a great turnout last year and I think the time frame was pretty convenient for all those involved so we’re going to try and keep that aspect of it the same.  I distinctly remember this party happening at night last year, yet our invite clearly said 3pm.  It was then that I remembered that I am in NY and nighttime starts around 4pm in December, so long story short, we’re hosting a party on the second Tuesday of next week at 12:63pm and you are invited.

Just like last year, children are more than welcome to attend.  Also like last year, Leslie and I will provide the main course and a large batch of the Filippo family Holiday punch*.  Please do not feel pressured to bring anything but if you would like to do so we are asking that people bring sides, desserts, and drinks.  I would ask that if you plan on bringing something that you would let me know in advance so that we do not wind up with 27 loaves of fruitcake.

The guest list for this party is pretty exclusive (as was evidenced by the fact that last year’s attendees included my Realtor, my mortgage broker, the guy I bought my truck from, my neighbors from across the street, the pastor of a church we visited once, and someone I met in North Carolina) and we’re expecting people to start lining up at the door around noon, so please bring a copy of this email to gain VIP access through our back door.  Your VIP access code is #thesarcasmisstrongwiththisone

We ask that if you plan on attending you please RSVP by Monday, December 7th.  You may RSVP by phone, email, text, telegraph, carrier pigeon, or candy-gram.  Thanks and we look forward to seeing you!

Derrik Filippo

*It used to be called Christmas punch but once I took on the role of making it for the family I started looking for other reasons to make it and Thanksgiving and Groundhog’s Day seemed as good as any so now it’s just holiday punch, and yes, I could tell you what’s in it but then I would have to kill you and I really want all of you to be at the Christmas party so it’s better if you just don’t ask.
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