Dad Jokes, Not Even Once

File this one under things that I did not ever think I would have to say to another human being… ever. “Jack, stop licking the walls.” My kid is going to be one of those that people ask, “did you eat lead paint chips as a kid?” Of course this was all topped off by the incident that occurred as our Friday evening guest was leaving our home right around the kid’s bedtime. No sooner than I had asked Jack if he was ready to brush his teeth then he rushed off to the bathroom. As I had not formally said goodbye to our guest I did not immediately follow. As we were showing our guest to the door, Jack rushes back into the hall exclaiming, “Water!” Not certain what he was talking about I felt his hands and discovered his fingertips were wet. Knowing my son’s proclivity for washing his hands and knowing he was capable of turning on and off the faucet, I thought nothing of it. As we said our goodbyes Jack rushed off to the bathroom again only to return a few moments later with soaking wet hands, again exclaiming, “Water!”IMG_3867

It was at this point that alarm bells started going off in my head. “He wasn’t gone long enough to stand on his step, turn on the faucet and then turn it back off,” I thought. Followed quickly by, “I know I did not hear the faucet running.” This time, as head darted off again I elected to follow him. Of course it was then that I discovered that instead of washing his hands under the faucet he had been dunking them in the toilet. Well, at least it had been flushed.

This past Saturday we drove all the way to Springfield, MA just to satisfy a Chick Fila craving… ok, that’s not entirely true, I needed to return a pair of boots to a Red Wing store and the closest one was in Springfield; that said, I cannot entirely discount that the fact that there was also a Chick Fila in Springfield and that played a factor in the decision making process. Either way, we spent the day in Springfield. We went to the Red Wing Store, tried to find a couple of parks with playground equipment and upon our second failure we decided to abandon the search and head straight for the Chick Fila. We had lunch and left Jack play on the playground for a bit and then continued in our quest to find a park with a playground. On our third try we hit the jackpot. We found a playground that had awesome equipment. Seriously, I was entertained climbing around on this stuff.

I learned today why I should never be a part of the greeting team at church. We had a gentlemen come in this morning who was new and he was fairly early so I went over and sat across from him, introduced myself, and started asking a few questions about who he was and where he was from. We started talking and I found out he was from west Texas, about an hour south of Lubbock. We had a pretty good conversation that was brought to a close by the beginning of worship. After the service was over I went over to him and asked if he had lunch plans, he said he did but asked if he could take a raincheck. Not quite remembering if his name was Andrew or Bryan I took a stab at it, I had a 50-50 chance, right? I said, “It was Andrew, right?” He replied, “No, I’m Jordan, but you were close.” No Jordan, no I wasn’t. Not even remotely, but thanks for the vote of support.

Well, I’ve stared at this screen somewhat blankly for about 20 minutes; I guess that means I don’t have any more to say. With that I’ll leave you with this link, “Dad jokes, not even once.”


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