Gerber Connoisseur

Publishing on Monday has really thrown my schedule off; it feels like I just finished writing a newsletter yesterday.  To be fair, when I first started writing this week’s edition it really was just yesterday.

A thought occurred to me the other day as I was driving home through the wind and the dust.  A big concern among farmers in the windy areas of the US is the loss of topsoil whenever the wind blows.  What I started wondering is, where does it all go?  I’ve never heard anyone complain about large deposits of topsoil on their property.   Bubba from Backwater, LA: Well, I can’t rightly explain it, I just opened my door this morning and all these piles of dirt were just scattered all over my property.  I have to say, it’s kind of unfortunate that I’m not a farmer, it looks like good topsoil out there.

Oh look, he has a picture of a pooper scooper on his butt.

Oh look, he has a picture of a pooper scooper on his butt.

Thursday we had our first Category 6 Poop Emergency.  I thought I knew what a poop emergency was; turns out I was sadly misinformed.  Jack blew through all the containment protocols we had set in place and then kept on going like there was no tomorrow.  Initially we were concerned that there was no recovering from this, we were worried that we had no choice but to just burn down the camper.  After having performed all the necessary cleanup procedures I’m not certain that we shouldn’t have done it anyway.  After we finished cleaning off all of his toys, the carpet, his clothes, my clothes, the cabinet door, the entertainment center, the bedroom wall, that little spot on the ceiling above the door, and the ceiling fan blade we decided that new containment protocols had to be instituted; stronger protocols, something on the same order of magnitude as those at the South Texas Nuclear Generating Station.

Now that we have worked our way through nearly the entire catalog of Gerber baby foods I believe Jack and I have become what one might call connoisseurs of the Gerber product line.  My favorite, by far, has been the mango, but Jack has determined to be contrary to my own point of views by resolutely stating his favorite as the chicken and apple.  Initially, I thought the combination of chicken and apple would be appealing, however, I was more than slightly disconcerted when, instead of having chicken with a slight hint of apple flavoring, you could individually taste the chicken and the apple.  Each bite would consist of a very distinct chicken flavor followed by an equally distinct and separate apple flavor, it was… interesting.  I suppose this is simply one of the classes I have to pass in order to earn my P.E.D. (Parenting Education Degree).  At least I’ll pass this class with straight A’s.

I started working on something this week that I hope to flesh out in the weeks to come, but I’ll close with a couple of questions and perhaps, a challenge.  What are your values?  If you have a family, what are your family’s values?  If you had to sum it all up, what is your (or your family’s) mission statement?


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