I am genuinely disappointed that I am not allowed to carry firearms with the project boundaries. I was talking with one of the landowners the other day and he was telling me about a livestock auction he was at about a year ago. One of the last items to come up was a llama and the starting bid was only $100. He said he thought, “What the heck, I’ve never owned a llama before.” Turns out he won the bid, the only thing was it wasn’t for one llama, it was for four llamas. He said that three of the llamas are no problem, but the fourth keeps jumping the fence and escaping any cages he is put in. He also told me that if I happened to see the black and white llama that I was free to take him out. Now, I’ve shot (or at least shot at) a lot of things in my life, but I’ve never shot a llama. I imagine that it is probably a very lean meat. That’s not really the point of this story though, the point is, “did you know you can buy four llamas for $100?”
Those of you with weak stomachs or those who have a particular affinity for small fuzzy creatures with large feet may want to skip this paragraph. On the wildlife note, I’m proud to say that I am doing my part to help maintain the west Texas rabbit population. After running over three rabbits in a little under a week I’m confident that my population control measures are well underway. To be fair though, the last rabbit I hit was big enough that I’m not entirely certain it wasn’t just a small deer.
I’ve been a writer for most of my life, going back all the way to second grade when I authored and illustrated my first best-selling novel, “The Perfect Day.” It was a very limited edition, in fact, only one copy was ever published; it sold out very quickly. I won a couple of local awards, and by local I mean within my second grade class. Unfortunately, my second attempt at authoring and illustrating a novel wasn’t met with nearly as much success. I attribute much of that lack of success to the fact that it was my first attempt delving into the horror genre. “The Heads Were Hung (over the fire with care)” was not well received by parents and teachers. It is worth mentioning that I was later approached by the SyFy channel for the possibility of a movie deal.
While I continued writing through grade school, it wasn’t until high school that I continued my foray into short stories and other forms of fiction. I authored several pieces that impressed my teachers and while some of my stuff, at times, bordered on the horror genre, it didn’t generate nearly the same level of concern that it did in second grade. My last two years of high school I transitioned to the role of a writer and layout designer of our school newspaper. The highlight of this time was during my senior year when I wrote as an editorialist covering all topics from an impending Canadian invasion (from their space base located on the dark side of the moon) to questioning the existence of the state of Montana and other items of equal absurdity. At this point I would have found myself at home writing for the Sun or any other newspaper tabloid. Needless to say, my style of writing was not fully appreciated by my mentor and newspaper adviser, Ms. Peeples.
In college I graduated to the newsletter form of writing, unfortunately I was ahead of my time in what would later be dubbed as internet blogging. My writing style then was very similar to my style now, except that then I appeared to have an issue with the usage of paragraphs and other basic forms of grammar. One would think that after four years of high school English and two years of newspaper I would have had such basic writing implements drilled into my head. Alas, it was not so… I blame the fact that I was using an early form of Gmail to compose each newsletter, a form that was not conducive to editing. Of course, that would be lying because I rarely edit anything… after all, I wrote it, so it must be correct.
Now I am simply a freelance (perhaps a term that would be more apt if I actually sought compensation for my work) writer using the internet as a source for venting my creative energies. On an interesting etymological side note, did you know that the word “freelance” was first coined in 1820 by Sir Walter Scott in his novel, Ivanhoe? Knowledge is power and with great power comes great responsibility (thanks Uncle Ben), now, go and do something great with this knowledge; go win Jeopardy or something.
EDIT: Yes, I understand this is the wrong Uncle Ben, it is meant to be ironic.