No matter what you did doing your lunch break this week, with a few exceptions I guarantee that I had a better one. I spent my lunch breaks assembling the Lego Deathstar in all of its glorious 3500+ pieces, all while listening to the Star Wars soundtrack. At the end of each day, before packing up my computer, I would stage a scene from one of the movies and take a picture… it was awesome. With that I give you what Star Wars probably would have looked like on a smaller budget.
I had a near death experience this past week as I drove home from work. First, you have to understand that my drive to work is 45 miles entirely on country roads with very little traffic and speed limits of 70+ mph. Friday, as I drove home I came to a stop sign and signaled to take a left. I looked over my right shoulder, then over my left, then back over my right; ensuring traffic was clear both ways before I pulled out. As soon as I pulled out I heard three blasts from a truck horn, each one successively louder. Frantic, I yanked the wheel to the left and pulled into the lane of oncoming traffic (of which there wasn’t any) certain that I was about to get rear ended by a semi-truck. As I glanced back to see what was coming I noticed that the road behind me was clear. Terrified that I had again missed something, I looked back forward to see if I had just pulled into an oncoming lane of traffic that was not, in fact, clear. After what seemed like an eternity I finally realized that it was not a truck horn I had heard, rather it was three notes from a saxophone playing on my audiobook signifying the end of a chapter. Of course it wasn’t me nearly getting rear ended that made this a near death experience, rather it was the fact that my heart was doing its very best to explode out of my chest at that moment in time.
I discovered this weekend during one of Jack’s teething episodes that I do not know the words to “Hush, Little Baby.” At least not beyond the diamond ring, after that I had to start improvising and it went a little like this:
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,
Daddy’s going to buy you a mockingbird.
If that mockingbird won’t sing,
Daddy’s going to buy you a diamond ring. 1
If that diamond ring won’t shine,
Daddy’s going to buy you a gold mine. 2
If that gold mine won’t produce,
Daddy’s going to get you a pair of twos. 3
If those pair of twos won’t win,
Daddy’s going to buy you a bottle of gin…
Of course, after that it was all downhill. It’s probably better that I stick to writing newsletters rather than trying to rewrite nursery rhymes.
1 Not really certain what he would do with a diamond ring… except maybe choke on it
2 If I didn’t know what he would do with a diamond ring, I know even less what he would do with a gold mine
3 Now this is just starting to get ridiculous, babies have terrible poker faces