The 151st Psalm

I think I may have had what probably qualifies as the oddest Thanksgiving ever.  Originally I had planned on having a traditional Thanksgiving meal consisting of turkey, stuffing, sweet potato pie, and a nice glass of cold eggnog.  Of course, by turkey I mean waffles, by stuffing I mean peanut butter, by sweet potato pie I mean syrup, and by eggnog I mean chocolate milk.  Perfectly normal.  Instead I ended up at a Chinese restaurant down the street with all of my coworkers; the Brazilian version of Chinese food for Thanksgiving, nothing strange about that.  Off course, I probably should not neglect to mention that our orders consisted of almost entirely Japanese dishes, sushi and such… again, nothing strange about that.

Freezer

When we ordered dessert I made sure to specify that I wanted 3 scoops of ice cream with my chocolate lava cake.  This was a necessary precaution because in Brazil most restaurants have the tendency to place a single teeny tiny scoop of ice cream on what would, otherwise be a perfectly acceptable dessert dish.  It’s really kind of strange; I would think that most people would be able to see that such a small scoop of ice cream is clearly insufficient for a dessert of such chocolate magnitude.  Anyway, I had my back to the kitchen so when the waitress brought out the desserts one of my coworkers said, “Oh Derrik, you’re going to like this.”  I’m not quite certain what he meant by that, or why he said it.  I’m sure it wasn’t because she brought out a dish with three large scoops of ice cream, each larger than the single serving of lava cake place on the plate; and I highly doubt it was due to the fact that I polish off a pint of Haagen Dazs after lunch every day, not to mention that our freezer at work kind of looks like the picture above.  The funny thing is I haven’t even told this guy about the FRSSSICC scale.  Well, after dinner, as we were walking back to the hotel, another one of my coworkers asked if I considered myself an expert in the field of ice cream.  I snorted and simply replied, “You could say that.”

In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday I have rewritten the 23rd Psalm.  Please feel free to stand clear of me when you read this, I’ve heard that lightning never strikes the same place twice.

1The turkey is my main course,
I shall not want any more.
It makes me lie down on the couch;
It leads me to the stuffing.
It restores my soul;
It guides me in the paths of fullness
For it is deep fried.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of heartburn,
I will  fear no acid reflux, for Zantac 75 is with me;
Your box and your pill, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my family;
You have anointed my plate with sweet potato pie;
My cup runs over with punch.
Surely pumpkin pie and whipped cream will follow all the meals of my holiday,
And I will dwell in the house of my in-laws through the 30th.*

*Note: The last line originally read a little differently but I had a strange feeling my father-in-law might not appreciate the humor behind “And I will dwell in the house of my in-laws forever.” 

Have you ever had one of those times where you have said or written something incredibly funny but no one else seems to think you are quite as funny as you know you are?  Yea, me neither, but I have this friend…  But seriously, sometimes I think people must be seriously ill not to laugh at the stuff I come up with, perhaps they have a humorglobin deficiency in their blood.  HA!  Get it?  That’s funny because… oh forget it, you’re hopeless.

It is worth mentioning that I finally got my blog up and running.  It took a bit of fine tuning but I eventually got it to the point where I am comfortable using it as an additional platform for my newsletter distribution.  At this point I do not plan on stopping the usage of the PDF version as a few of my readers have mentioned that they prefer this method more, however I will start including the link to each new post every week in my email.  Feel free to share the link below with any of your friends or family.  Those of you who are more technically literate will realize that WordPress allows you to “Follow” my blog via email, meaning you will receive an email from WordPress every time I post a new entry.  I would encourage you to do so as eventually I will probably phase out the email from my own address.  In the meantime, if you do not wish to receive duplicate emails let me know and I will remove you from my distribution list.

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